The Basis of Sexual Addiction May Not Be Sexual

By Charles Wm. Skillas, PhD, DD, BCH, CI, FNGH, MCCHt

      Sexual addiction can be an overwhelming problem for those who suffer from it. It is a very difficult situation for one who is married and does not want to lose their spouse. Most sexually addicted people I have worked with need sex from more than one person and so they are constantly on the prowl for new sexual partners. This is so for single and married addicts. In the beginning, this can be very exciting, but as the list of partners grows, so does the potential for problems, particularly if you are married.

     Usually, the addicted one becomes less sexually interested in their spouse primarily because they are using so much energy chasing a new conquest and/or using up their sexual energy on the extra marital affairs. A sexual addict is like other addicts who are addicted to drugs, alcohol, smoking or food. They just have to have more of what they are addicted to… in this case sex. However, the sex has to be with a different partner in order for the thrill and the libido to be stimulated.

   This is not unlike what happens to people who are married for a long time. The sex becomes stale and the thrill and "naughtiness" disappear. This can and does often lead to extra marital affairs and in many cases divorce, destroying families and wrecking havoc on wife, husband and the children involved. But, this is not necessarily sexual addiction…this is more seeking to recapture the excitement of youth and the wonderful feelings of power that come with it.

     You would think that sexual addiction had its roots in sex, but this is not always so, at least not in the cases I have worked with. Often, sex is a way of escaping for the moment from the pain of some emotional trauma. The sex is like a tranquillizer that relieves the anxiety associated with a painful experience. A case in point is as follows:

     Bernard, 48 came to see me complaining that he was a sexual addict and that his addiction was badly complicating his life. He asked me to help him. I told him that I could not treat his addiction because I was not a licensed professional, but that I could clear negative forcing functions from him that may be blocking the flow of chi life force energy to the cell communities of his body and that might make him feel better.

     Bernard was married with four children and had 45 extra-marital affairs in the past ten years. The problem was that he lied to many of the women and they fell in love with him and were now pressuring him in various ways which could affect his marriage. He wanted me to help him get rid of his sexual addiction, believing it was the source of all his problems and it was, in the sense that his extra-marital affairs were now beginning to cause him real difficulty, but it turns out that the root of his addiction was not sexual, but emotional humiliation pain.

     As a child, his mother verbally abused his father and Bernard was ashamed of his father and his weakness. Bernard identified with his father and felt like a wuss when kids at school did not accept him and treated him like a coward. To alleviate the emotional and physical pain caused by the school kids beating up on him, he would masturbate while looking at pictures of beautiful nude women in sex magazines. Masturbation made him feel good and relaxed in spite of the pain he was feeling and so he did it often to obtain relief.

     Extra-marital sex with many different beautiful women gave him the same feelings of relaxation and relief from the negative forcing function of identifying with his weak father that he received as a child by masturbating. This father-identity negative forcing function was a humiliation energy generator in his subconscious that kept him feeling the pain and mortification that the school bullies inflicted on him as a child. Extra-marital sex made him feel better.

     To help him, I regressed him back to age 10 when four bullies were beating and humiliating him and had him imagine a very strong and aggressive fighter standing next to him. I used the Goal-Imaging Focus Technique (GIFT) to meld the characteristics of the strong aggressive fighter into Bernard at age 10 and reframed the scenario that happened at that time.

     In the regression reframing, I had Bernard at age 10 knock out the strongest of the bullies, and knock down two others while the remaining one fled the scene. I then had Bernard feel the strength and confidence of a winner and this ameliorated the weak father identity link. This had the effect of releasing him from his father-humiliation-link negative forcing function energy. Since he no longer felt the emotional humiliation pain, he no longer needed to continue to have extra-marital affairs to relieve the pain and he could now begin to extricate himself from his marriage difficulties and live happily without all that pressure.


This article is intended for general informational purposes
and does not provide medical, psychological, or other professional advice.


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